HunnyBunny ♡

I am very bad :(

Although I am very happy with what I have now, somehow I still feel empty .__. Why do I love him this much? WHY ! I told myself that this guy is never going to love me anymore. I let go of him so he can move on and forget about me. But it feels like I just made my wrong move. Maybe he hates me or he'll never going to talk to me FOREVER. Oh well, I always cause bad things to happen when it comes to relationships. I suck huh ? I told myself that HKK will not gonna be a substitute to Leon. I mustn't do that ! I don't want to be bad as I used to BEFORE ~ I know how it feels. But somehow I blame myself for doing this. I was suppose to wait but sympathizing him was all I care and letting him to move on and when he finds that girl, I surely know that I'm no longer his attention. Although hoping is what I do now. Every time I walk back home with HKK, I'll remember all the memories I had with him. As if all those memories were meant to last this short. I don't know why lately I crap so much like this but this is how guilty I feel ! Everyday is guilty to me. I'd rather die ! I suffocate every time I made my moves. All this happy moments I had with HKK feels like 'MC DONALD DRIVE THROUGH'. All those customers made you happy when they buy, but it last for awhile. That is how I feel :/ Just some feelings that come and go all at the same time. I never felt this stupid, horrible and dying situation before. And with this sickness I carry, I started ignoring them which cause me major tons of money to spend for my upcoming surgery -.- I can't believe I can be this stupid for one guy, but I still am no matter what. I guess I'm the type to sacrifice so much just for one precious diamond. I have no idea why I said so many hurtful stuff to convince him that I'm letting go of him where instead I'm not. I just want him to move on and find some other better girl instead of me because I know I'm just a pain in the ass. I wish I could take back all what I've done but CAN'T ! This is how it remains and this will be how I live my life being guilty. And with this stupid surgery coming up, I wish I could just die right on that surgery table. All that sweet memories hunts me still, every time I'm with him. I still think of you wondering do he hate me now for breaking my promise? Obviously YES you idiot -.- I guess I break his heart? But still there's a lot of pretty girls out there, he could just flirt them since he admits that he could be flirtatious at times :/ so why not? I'm not that worthy -.- not pretty and obviously I'm a stupid heart breaker :( I wish I could just die when it comes to the surgery moment. And all that pain, all the sadness and all that heartbreaking things will just end forever.