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Dreams that never come true
It took place during midnight when my sister was online and I'm outside flipping the cigarette that my brother gave me as a burning spirit. It wasn't just any feeling. A feeling of lost and drown by confusion. No one to trust but myself. A voice that whispers me those moments. While I flip the cigarette up and down, I daze for a moment thinking if I should stop hoping and die or keep hoping and move on life. Nothing is sure, nothing is certain and nothing is confirm. I wish I could take back for what is done and erase all that memories that lies deep in my heart. It hurts when I think back and reappear it live. I almost could feel my heart banging itself telling me to stop. But no one there to help. I daze enough already and even told myself, the longer I daze the faster I die. But somehow, I don't think I care. The last thing I want it to happen was a word of love to keep me warm and happy. But do that exist? Prediction of me dying tragically with no one by my side haunts me and calls me to come back where I belong. A place where no love no happiness and no fantasy comes alive. A place, DESERTED , BURNING , and EMPTY for those people like me. I wish to find back those happiness I had with him weeks ago to keep me strong and warm. But its dragging me down to hell. Everything just fade away with no hope and no effort. As the wind the blow, I can't feel the warmth anymore. But instead, it was freezing me to death. I light up the cigarette while thinking many times if I smoke it, will everything change? Will I change? Will his perception about me change? I see those ashes falling down slowly and fall on the floor thinking throughly that one day, it will happen to me. I can never stop thinking the reason why it turned out to be this bad and who is the main cause and main fault. All I can say was, nobody is putting any effort of making things right. I started out to be the one who promises that everything will be alright. But I guess I'm too tired to put all my effort and just let them watch me suffer. I suffer too much and now, being fair, let me hurt those who are involve like they hurt me :) I can do nothing, but once I cursed, it will happen and I have no rights to take it all back :) It do happens a lot, but sometimes I regret it and wish to take it all back. But I am not that girl anymore. MEAN will be MEAN |
